Who am I trying to please?

I was thinking to myself that it would be nice to get some positive feedback at work - yet it seems that the only attention I recieve from my superiors is to be told to do something or told that I've done something wrong.

I've felt very discouraged lately and last week, my heart wasn't in my job like it could have been.

Then it occurred to me that God sees all my efforts and he sees my sincerity and desire to do well and I came to understand that I would rather hear God tell me, 'Well done' than hear it from anyone else.

c.anna

Lord, help me to serve with cheerfulness

Lately when I pray I've been asking the Lord to bless me with a servant's heart and to help me to serve, with cheerfulness, those who need me.

Reminding myself of how much I desire this helps me through those moments of negativity that come over me....such as the post I wrote about being in emotional pain and sinking in a tar pit...or something to that efftect (that post is around here somewhere).

I get depressed sometimes and that post pretty much sums up what I'm like when I'm depressed....so, staying postitive and cheerful is something I have to work at with dilligence.

So, since I am in a position where I serve, I want to keep on getting better at it.

I've come to a place in my life where I ask the Lord to grant me that servant's heart and the blessing of cheerfulness.

c.anna

confusing the devil

So, today I was talking with a friend about the possibility that hell is on earth.

I said that I sometimes feel that God is avenging some wrong I did to some person somewhere in my past and that maybe being depressed and miserable is to be my lot in life.

Then I thought to myself that I was warned that my faith would undergo testing as long as I'm on earth, and that the accuser stands in the presence of God constantly and points out every moment of doubt and sin I have.

So then as I talked about this, it occurred to me that when I'm feeling depressed, angry, suicidal, spiteful and rebellious - I need not to 'cheer up' but rather - I need to hang on to Jesus and keep on praying and believing in his grace and love.

Keeping the faith against all odds confuses the devil and therein lies the victory.

Praise be to the Lord for ever and ever for his unending goodness and love.

c.anna

A servant's place

Today I was thinking to myself how much my client takes me for granted.

I put on shoes, do up zippers, tuck in scarves, make lunch, travel all over the city with him to appointments and, amoung other duties, I heartily, applaud his every success.

And once in a while I'll spend my personal time on a day off running errands and picking up items I know he'll need in the coming week.

The requests and favors seem endless and I feel as though I'll never come to a place where I will be told that I've done enough and the mission is accomplished.

I was ruminating on this and as I said above I was feeling taken for granted. I mumbled out loud that it's like I'm a servant.

Then I understood that I am, in fact, a servant - and being a servant isn't so aweful, and besides I have my reward - a healthy pay cheque every second week.

So, what am I grumbling about? I thank the Lord for bringing a little perspective to me and resetting my attitude a bit.

c.anna

skimming off the fat

Today I noticed the more unpleasant aspects of my personality bubbling to the surface and my thoughts were a little on the dark side.

I was ruminating over this and it ocurred to me that perhaps God is bringing to the surface, the parts of myself that are ready to be removed and that I'll be undergoing a bit of a character detox where the impurities are bubbling up to the surface where I can clearly see them, and I am finally ready to have God remove them.

I wish I could know what God thinks of me, and what he wants to do with me.

c.anna

cheer

A kind and well spoken word can turn away wrath - I don't know who said that, but it's been knocking around my head for about a week now.

I'm learning, slowly but surely, that what comes out of my mouth can determine my mood regardless of the circumstances.

I've learned that if I hear something upbeat and optimistic at a moment where I'm feeling my most tired and cranky, It can result in a pick me up that's even more effective than a cup of good coffee.

Someone once told me that God isn't so interested in how I feel as much as he is in what comes out of my mouth. It's important that I keep my conversation; encouraging, uplifting, hopeful, and kind.

c.anna

My Answer

I am told that as a believer in Christ, I am to always give a kind and respectful answer to those who would ask me about my faith in him, and frankly, I don't know what answer I would give.

I can’t find a statement of faith that is good enough, mighty enough, moving enough, big enough to tell the things God has done for me.

I would have to say that being able to talk to him about any old thing be it a problem or be it thanksgiving or be it a mix up of little comments, has been the best thing about having faith and has helped me to cope with all sorts of challenges - even stayed my hand in suicidal moments.

That then, is my kind and respectful answer.

‘By praying to Him, I find the strength to go on in spite of many adversities.’

c.anna