Smoke Free

I used to pray for God to deliver me from my smoking addiction, and I would always wonder why He seemed to not be listening.

I used to promise Him on oath, that I would stop the next day - thinking that smoking was somehow sinful and I needed to repent of it. The battle with this addiction raged for 2 decades!

and now....

It's been just over 2 1/2 years since I stopped smoking and I'm still excited with each smokeless day that passes!

One would think that after all this time, I wouldn't give smoking or not smoking even a passing thought...but I do. I still have moments where I am tempted to have one, and I have moments where I give my head a shake in amazement that I no longer smoke.

c.anna

distraction

For the last couple of weeks I've been enjoying good feelings toward the Lord and his word and I've been revelling in each newly recognized blessing that has been poured out onto me.

I was feeling pretty special, and then, pride got me. And pride comes before a fall - in other words my eyes were more interested in looking at the changes in me, than they were at beholding the beauty of the Lord and I crashed.

Now I'm wallowing in irritability and disappointment.

I thank the Lord that he has helped me to see my error and I know that he will help me out of this place yet again and he will be my patient and kind shepherd once more.

c.anna

prayer

What a gift! What an absolute honor and privilege it is to pray.

By prayer I can go right into the very presence of God and say whatever I want, however I want and whenever the mood strikes me to do it.

God, in his love gave me this right...and not only me, but to all people. Even non believers are given the space to send their mocking, sneering, provoking words up to his ears.

In his infinite fairness and love, he has made himself open to us - all of us. What an absolutely marvelous thing, prayer is.

May praises be sung to the Lord now and for all eternity, may the words of my mouth become more and more pleasing to him.

c.anna

emptiness

I have a spending addiction.

One of the blessings that God gives to each one who recieves him is self control, and so, I try to claim that blessing and control myself.

It works, until I see a fancy hand bag, or a nifty little wallet or sparkling trinket.

Like a little monkey, I grab at anything shiney.

Somehow I just feel empty. Filling that part of me with the fleeting infatuation of a new item is unsatisfying and is leaving me in a perpetual state of want.

So, I'm shifting my focus away from the emptiness within and onto the promise that the Lord will meet all of my needs. I want to join with the singer who sang '...my cup runneth over, surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.'

c.anna

motives

Thinking of heaven a couple of days ago, I wondered to myself why do I want to go there...I thought to myself that I don't want to go to hell.

This thought brought to mind the words of John the Baptist who said to the crowd by the Jordan River, 'You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee the wrath that is to come!'

OK. So I'm fleeing the wrath to come, yet somehow this seems shallow and somehow I can't imagine that escaping eternal damnation standing alone as a good reason to be ushered into the presence of the Lord of Hosts.

I can't help but think of the risen Christ saying to his disciple, Peter, 'Do you love me?' He not only asked the question, but he asked it of Peter 3 times. One time for each of the times Peter had denied association with the Lord (which is another topic, but the focus here is on the question, 'Do you love me?')

So I ask myself. Do I love Him?

c.anna

Who am I trying to please?

I was thinking to myself that it would be nice to get some positive feedback at work - yet it seems that the only attention I recieve from my superiors is to be told to do something or told that I've done something wrong.

I've felt very discouraged lately and last week, my heart wasn't in my job like it could have been.

Then it occurred to me that God sees all my efforts and he sees my sincerity and desire to do well and I came to understand that I would rather hear God tell me, 'Well done' than hear it from anyone else.

c.anna

Lord, help me to serve with cheerfulness

Lately when I pray I've been asking the Lord to bless me with a servant's heart and to help me to serve, with cheerfulness, those who need me.

Reminding myself of how much I desire this helps me through those moments of negativity that come over me....such as the post I wrote about being in emotional pain and sinking in a tar pit...or something to that efftect (that post is around here somewhere).

I get depressed sometimes and that post pretty much sums up what I'm like when I'm depressed....so, staying postitive and cheerful is something I have to work at with dilligence.

So, since I am in a position where I serve, I want to keep on getting better at it.

I've come to a place in my life where I ask the Lord to grant me that servant's heart and the blessing of cheerfulness.

c.anna