Crap shoot

I've been up all night thinking about how much I would like to change jobs.

Luckily, this isn't as remote a possibility as it could be...in a few days I'll be interviewing for another job. I'm feeling a little antsy as the day approaches and am struggling with myself to not tender my resignation at my current position.

I have another job that could tide me over until I land the new job (hopefully) or find something in yet another place.

I'm feeling a little overconfident and impulsive as I approach this fork in the road.

I wonder if I'm sabotaging myself.

c.anna

you are not alone

Somehow, when I'm in the middle of my own little soap opera, I forget that other people have gone through what I've gone through and have weathered the storm very nicely thank you.

It seems I get into a big sulk sometimes and just want to savour it, wallow in it, splash around for a while in that giant pond of despondency....all the while telling myself that anyone else would do the same, if only they knew the pain of whatever dilemma I've gotten myself into.

Sometimes it helps to know that others have felt the same way about things - and even if I don't know anyone personally who has, I can certainly imagine that there is one more person somewhere on the planet that is fighting the same battles I am.

Knowing that I'm not the first to suffer, and that I certainly am not the last who will - kind of takes the self righteousness out of the mellow drama and cuts the problem down to size.

c.anna

Am I ready to give an account?

Lately I've been thinking about the afterlife and the fact that I'll have to give an answer for all of my actions while I was still on this side of eternity.

I don't think God will demand that I justify my sinful actions - I can't. Luckily I have Jesus Christ as an advocate for me...I think, however, that God will be especially interested to hear about how I used my blessings and gifts in His service.

The ability to work is a blessing and the money that generates is not only a blessing but it is a responsibility and I feel strongly that I should be giving some of this back to the Lord.

The capacity to love is another blessing and I think I'll be expected to give an account of how I showed love to my fellow man including my enemies.

How have I shown that I love the Lord, my family, my neighbor, my enemy, and myself?

In the end it's all about love.

c.anna

That's yours

I find myself all caught up in someone else's problems in the blink of an eye. All it takes is for an emotionally charged display of some injustice and I'm in there like a dirty shirt taking up the cause.

The other day the serenity prayer came to mind and I thought to myself ohhh yea....I forgot!

I find that the quickest way to absolve myself of partaking of troubles that don't belong to me is to remember that prayer...and in the blink of an eye I am able to see what my part of a problem is and what part of a problem belongs to someone else.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things i can
and the wisdom to know the difference
Amen

c.anna

Just between us

Sometimes I like to praise God by simply clapping my hands a couple of times.

Who can be offended by that? Who needs to know that I'm sending up a private acknowledgement to the Lord?

Of course there are times where I don't feel the need to keep my dialogue with the Lord so private, yet it sure is nice to know that I can have a moment with him that is mine and mine alone.

Such moments are precious to me.

c.anna

Nice, who me?

Tonight one of my clients came to me asking for assistance with a small thing and I let out a sigh and asked why he was coming to me with this and he said it was because I'm generally nicer to him than other staff.

Well, this comment put me in a good mood for the rest of the night, and I don't care to analyze it and think I'm being buttered up or being pitted against my co workers...the fact is, I received a compliment and it felt really good - hey, I'm only human.

And you know what else? I'm refreshed. A simple thing like a compliment implying some sort of appreciation for what I do has put me back on track and realigned my thinking....the job is about my clients - not about me or my co worker or any issues staff may have.

I've decided that I'm going to spend as little of my time in the staff office as I can and as much time as I can out on the floor with the clients. They are what the job is all about and I had lost sight of that.

c.anna

Who am I trying to impress?

I remember learning that at the end of my life God will try all my works by fire and anything I've done that doesn't meet up with his divine standards will be burned up.

I never understood just what made one work good and another not, especially if both brought about some sort of comfort or goodness to another person.

Tonight it dawned on me, that any work that I do, no matter how wonderful it may appear, that is not done first and formost for the glory of God is little more than showing off and is a form of conceit.

c.anna