So. I tend to complicate things. I've got myself trying to be kind, helpful, loving, patient, slow to speak and quick to listen, not be so angry I sin, have a sound mind, and so on with all the personality assets that a child of God should have.
there is a saying 'act as if' with the idea that if i act as if I have all the fruit of the Holy Spirit, they will magically begin to manifest. Another way of saying it is, 'fake it till you make it.'
After much spinning out I've come to the conclusion (with the help of the book of Ecclesiastes) that I am only complicating matters by trying to assemble the puzzle of my personality by starring at the picture on the box. This is chasing the wind and it would be a good idea for me to take things one small bit at a time.
Jesus said to treat others as I want to be treated. The Golden Rule. Looks like a good place to start.
This is as simple as it gets. If I focus on being kind and respectful toward the people I come into contact with every day, giving each person as much respect and kindness that I can in the moment - then eventually without even noticing - I will begin to see the good things in others because I will be looking for those good things so that I can keep up my motivation to be kind to them.
noticing the good in others can only snow ball into more sincere acts of kindness. you can see right now how this grows into patience and genuine affection and then love and respect. I don't need to spell it out.
so, the long and the short of it is, focus on the simplest matter at hand, which is to treat others as you would want to be treated, and all sorts of wonderful parts of your personality will start to blossom and grow.
Another great lesson I took from the Book of Ecclesiastes was the end where the writer has described all of his observations and trials and experiments and has come to the conclusion that complicating things is like chasing the wind and the important thing is to pay attention to whatever work you do, and give thanks to God every day.
c.anna
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
wicked winds
every so often I have a time of stormy and unpleasant thoughts and feelings that cause me to suffer and squirm.
at those times, my thoughts are constantly focused upon my every shortcoming and my conscience threatens me with loss at every turn. I become suspicious of my employers, my co workers, my clients, and I doubt my worthiness of any small enjoyment.
and prayer is a very difficult and arduous task. I simply cannot remember that I'm praying once I get past, 'Dear Jesus' - my mind flies away to fancies of destruction and self accusation.
self pity and sloth quickly set in and I am lost to the quagmire until it passes....seemingly on its own. I wish I could stand up and declare some positive coping skill that makes it all go away, but truth be told, it simply passes on its own.
pride leads me to claim that I hurry the process along by looking for the good and by being some kind of John Wayne of the mental health wild west. But no. it simply passes.
and that is what I want to share with anyone who wonders how to cope. just feel the pain, let the hurricane blow itself out.
the slogan 'this too shall pass' isn't as trite as one would think at first glance.
c.anna
at those times, my thoughts are constantly focused upon my every shortcoming and my conscience threatens me with loss at every turn. I become suspicious of my employers, my co workers, my clients, and I doubt my worthiness of any small enjoyment.
and prayer is a very difficult and arduous task. I simply cannot remember that I'm praying once I get past, 'Dear Jesus' - my mind flies away to fancies of destruction and self accusation.
self pity and sloth quickly set in and I am lost to the quagmire until it passes....seemingly on its own. I wish I could stand up and declare some positive coping skill that makes it all go away, but truth be told, it simply passes on its own.
pride leads me to claim that I hurry the process along by looking for the good and by being some kind of John Wayne of the mental health wild west. But no. it simply passes.
and that is what I want to share with anyone who wonders how to cope. just feel the pain, let the hurricane blow itself out.
the slogan 'this too shall pass' isn't as trite as one would think at first glance.
c.anna
Thursday, December 9, 2010
emotional slavery
I was once told that animals are creatures ruled by their emotions and have no other method of reasoning - if they reason at all.
i have also been told that a person can easily allow themsleves to be ruled by their emotions and base all their reasoning upon how they feel about a matter.
i am such a person. My emotions are constantly overpowering my thought processes and hijacking my will.
the other night I was unwell and was filled with dark, brooding, angry, hateful feelings and I cursed and accused God in the intervals where I was awake between bouts of sleeping. I railed at him that hell is unfair and we have no choice but to worship him 'cause if we don't we'll suffer eternal torment....and we're also expected to love him - without ever laying eyes upon him or hearing his voice and being without any tangible proof that he's there. Faith - oh, I had plently of horrid things to say about faith too.
My emotions were in control. I felt miserable and so my attitude was one of misery.
What a trap!
I am ashamed and can hardly bring myself to pray today.
c.anna
i have also been told that a person can easily allow themsleves to be ruled by their emotions and base all their reasoning upon how they feel about a matter.
i am such a person. My emotions are constantly overpowering my thought processes and hijacking my will.
the other night I was unwell and was filled with dark, brooding, angry, hateful feelings and I cursed and accused God in the intervals where I was awake between bouts of sleeping. I railed at him that hell is unfair and we have no choice but to worship him 'cause if we don't we'll suffer eternal torment....and we're also expected to love him - without ever laying eyes upon him or hearing his voice and being without any tangible proof that he's there. Faith - oh, I had plently of horrid things to say about faith too.
My emotions were in control. I felt miserable and so my attitude was one of misery.
What a trap!
I am ashamed and can hardly bring myself to pray today.
c.anna
Thursday, October 28, 2010
denying the Lord
I really dislike my tendency to downplay my faith and even openly ridicule myself for past radical/fanatical behavior.
I need to stop this because I am giving the impression that I am a non believer and I know that cowardice is at the root of this - I don't want to get into arguments about the authenticity of the Bible and so on. I've had those arguments and they are nothing more than words being thrown back and forth without any meaning whatsoever and i only end up angry.
One may shake their head and wonder just how often do arguments happen, really? you would be amazed - just the mere casual mention of a saying by Jesus and bam! there you have it somebody will always be up and at em asking me to prove that Christ said it, and even to prove that Christ even existed.
I am sick and tired of these petty disputes and so I avoid them as much as possible. In the process though I am denying my faith and I am ashamed of myself for doing this. I need to stop that.
c.anna
I need to stop this because I am giving the impression that I am a non believer and I know that cowardice is at the root of this - I don't want to get into arguments about the authenticity of the Bible and so on. I've had those arguments and they are nothing more than words being thrown back and forth without any meaning whatsoever and i only end up angry.
One may shake their head and wonder just how often do arguments happen, really? you would be amazed - just the mere casual mention of a saying by Jesus and bam! there you have it somebody will always be up and at em asking me to prove that Christ said it, and even to prove that Christ even existed.
I am sick and tired of these petty disputes and so I avoid them as much as possible. In the process though I am denying my faith and I am ashamed of myself for doing this. I need to stop that.
c.anna
Monday, October 18, 2010
Altar?
I've been hearing buzz about home altars and I wonder if this little spot in my home counts as an altar....
I have a table in my living room that I think of as my altar - It's a simple end table with a small ornamental pair of praying hands on it, they are holding a rolled up piece of paper that I wrote out the verse John 3:16 on - its years old and I don't dare take out the little role of paper for fear it will disintegrate from age...i also have a little tray on which I burn incense simply as a symbol of prayer - and I have a small tea light holder and I sometimes have one burning to symbolize the presence of God in my home or to symbolize a special prayer I've said (fire is a symbol of the Holy Spirit) there is an artificial oriental orchid on the table too - a precious gift from a beloved friend many years ago. I have it there because its pretty, no symbolism there that I can think of off the top of my head - and a small touch tone lamp for practical reasons.
that's it - that is my altar.
c.anna
I have a table in my living room that I think of as my altar - It's a simple end table with a small ornamental pair of praying hands on it, they are holding a rolled up piece of paper that I wrote out the verse John 3:16 on - its years old and I don't dare take out the little role of paper for fear it will disintegrate from age...i also have a little tray on which I burn incense simply as a symbol of prayer - and I have a small tea light holder and I sometimes have one burning to symbolize the presence of God in my home or to symbolize a special prayer I've said (fire is a symbol of the Holy Spirit) there is an artificial oriental orchid on the table too - a precious gift from a beloved friend many years ago. I have it there because its pretty, no symbolism there that I can think of off the top of my head - and a small touch tone lamp for practical reasons.
that's it - that is my altar.
c.anna
Saturday, October 9, 2010
being human
Just because I'm human doesn't mean I have the right to behave like one.
today I made an off colour remark to a gentleman, who gently chided me that he wouldn't expect a good christian girl to talk that way. At once a war broke out within me. I felt insulted that a non christian would comment on my behavior and imply hypocrisy on my part.
I remarked straight from my pride saying that since i pray to the Living God and believe that Christ shed his blood and died and rose again for the redemption of mankind that I am now stripped of all humanity and should conduct myself in a manner that everyone (incl ppl who are not of my faith) would deem to be proper christian behavior?
and on the other hand I had to admit he wasn't wrong in what he said. i was rebuked and rightly so. Jesus was very clear that the world will be watching his followers very carefully. He even went so far as to say that the world will hate us. We are told to avoid all appearance of evil. and that even though we are in the world we must not be of the world. Putting off our old ways and embracing the ways of Christ will make us so different that we'll, well, stick out as misfits.
Friendship with the world is to be an enemy of Christ - so then, to be friends with Christ is to be an enemy of the world. If I am truly following Christ and walking in the way of the Lord, I will stand out as different and may even suffer abuse for it.
In other words - just because I know how to cuss and tell dirty jokes and fornicate and get drunk and carry on - doesn't mean its right for me to do so. I am told to come out of the world regardless of what my pride may suffer as a result.
so. I am admonished and repentant. yesterday I read the book of Galatians (in the new testament of the Bible) and it is a firm rebuke of bad behavior in that church. I think I'll read it again - Ephesians is a good one too.
Thank you Lord.
c.anna
today I made an off colour remark to a gentleman, who gently chided me that he wouldn't expect a good christian girl to talk that way. At once a war broke out within me. I felt insulted that a non christian would comment on my behavior and imply hypocrisy on my part.
I remarked straight from my pride saying that since i pray to the Living God and believe that Christ shed his blood and died and rose again for the redemption of mankind that I am now stripped of all humanity and should conduct myself in a manner that everyone (incl ppl who are not of my faith) would deem to be proper christian behavior?
and on the other hand I had to admit he wasn't wrong in what he said. i was rebuked and rightly so. Jesus was very clear that the world will be watching his followers very carefully. He even went so far as to say that the world will hate us. We are told to avoid all appearance of evil. and that even though we are in the world we must not be of the world. Putting off our old ways and embracing the ways of Christ will make us so different that we'll, well, stick out as misfits.
Friendship with the world is to be an enemy of Christ - so then, to be friends with Christ is to be an enemy of the world. If I am truly following Christ and walking in the way of the Lord, I will stand out as different and may even suffer abuse for it.
In other words - just because I know how to cuss and tell dirty jokes and fornicate and get drunk and carry on - doesn't mean its right for me to do so. I am told to come out of the world regardless of what my pride may suffer as a result.
so. I am admonished and repentant. yesterday I read the book of Galatians (in the new testament of the Bible) and it is a firm rebuke of bad behavior in that church. I think I'll read it again - Ephesians is a good one too.
Thank you Lord.
c.anna
Sunday, September 12, 2010
salad
The other day I was talking with a friend about prayer and God and so on and I had to confess that I have a sort of tossed salad faith. I take what works for me from wherever it comes from.
I believe that God is three, yet one, before whom I am to have nothing I respect more. Yet I practice the devotion of the Rosary, which many have opined to me, is a form of Goddess worship...and speaking of Goddess worship. I have a growing fascination with Goddess concept and have been more and more attracted to what I call the Divine Feminine.
magic. sounds very appealing. so does wicca *WHAM* there it is. I have a growing attraction to witchery. the practice of casting spells, invoking spirits stronger than myself to help me accomplish tasks in my life and in the lives of others.
there is power in magic, and I'm even becoming less offended by the idea of leaving myself open to the danger or demonic interference in my life, and wondering if 'demons' are truly evil or if they are, as some say, simply manifestations necessary to facillitate the learning of some lesson?
And so I have this conflict within myself. and when i get to the root of it all - there is a need for control - to harness the force of my life and make myself comfortable and safe. Myself and my loved ones.
But, i know myself and I know that I am equating control with power, and i am told that power corrupts, and I also know myself to be foolish and fickle and so I ask myself, 'Do I want myself to be in charge of my actions and consequences of those actions whatever they may be?'
I have to say no. I know myself to be unreliable, foolish, naive, emotional, and ignorant....and so the alternative is to hand that power over to someone else....and without further rambling let me introduce.
My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who has been my God from earliest memory and I believe to be ultimately wise and loving - omniscient, omnipresent, my companion, friend, lover and God. Who has faced down the prince of darkness and has overcome death.
See how his voice whispered to me even as I was typing and has wooed me yet again? Tell me I am mad, I don't care.
Maranatha!
c.anna
I believe that God is three, yet one, before whom I am to have nothing I respect more. Yet I practice the devotion of the Rosary, which many have opined to me, is a form of Goddess worship...and speaking of Goddess worship. I have a growing fascination with Goddess concept and have been more and more attracted to what I call the Divine Feminine.
magic. sounds very appealing. so does wicca *WHAM* there it is. I have a growing attraction to witchery. the practice of casting spells, invoking spirits stronger than myself to help me accomplish tasks in my life and in the lives of others.
there is power in magic, and I'm even becoming less offended by the idea of leaving myself open to the danger or demonic interference in my life, and wondering if 'demons' are truly evil or if they are, as some say, simply manifestations necessary to facillitate the learning of some lesson?
And so I have this conflict within myself. and when i get to the root of it all - there is a need for control - to harness the force of my life and make myself comfortable and safe. Myself and my loved ones.
But, i know myself and I know that I am equating control with power, and i am told that power corrupts, and I also know myself to be foolish and fickle and so I ask myself, 'Do I want myself to be in charge of my actions and consequences of those actions whatever they may be?'
I have to say no. I know myself to be unreliable, foolish, naive, emotional, and ignorant....and so the alternative is to hand that power over to someone else....and without further rambling let me introduce.
My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who has been my God from earliest memory and I believe to be ultimately wise and loving - omniscient, omnipresent, my companion, friend, lover and God. Who has faced down the prince of darkness and has overcome death.
See how his voice whispered to me even as I was typing and has wooed me yet again? Tell me I am mad, I don't care.
Maranatha!
c.anna
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