self aware, or self absorbed?

Okay, so here I am once more examining my heart, and I'm wondering why I care so deeply about my motives and ideas.

The reason I examine myself so closely is because its important to me that I have a clear conscience before God and I keep on thinking that if I share my very human ideas and insights that others may relate and find some moral support in the struggle.

Somewhere in Scripture I am told to purify my heart, and how can i do that unless I take as honest a look at myself as God enables me?

My goal is to become a good and faithful servant of God and that is going to take some doing and no one can do my repenting for me....and so I look at myself.

c.anna

Through the eye of a needle

so, I've been working really hard to clean up my attitude and to live in a way that God approves of and blesses. It's been a struggle as I try to do what the Bible has said he likes - such as loving God with all my heart, mind and strength and loving my neighbor as much as I love myself.

I've been working really hard to stop my cussing and lusting and gossiping and complaining and hating. I've been met with failure upon failure as my temper flares in an instant and in that moment of anger my careless heart once again fills with hatred, vengence, and all bitterness once more.

I've been trying to repent using my will power - so that I can take the glory and say that I did it all myself and thought the Lord would be pleased by me for my heartfelt actions.

Wrong.

I can only be made pleasing to him by accepting his power at work in me by grace, through faith. which leads me to think that God can only do as much as my faith in him will allow.

What a tiny space he has to work with.

c.anna