salad

The other day I was talking with a friend about prayer and God and so on and I had to confess that I have a sort of tossed salad faith. I take what works for me from wherever it comes from.

I believe that God is three, yet one, before whom I am to have nothing I respect more. Yet I practice the devotion of the Rosary, which many have opined to me, is a form of Goddess worship...and speaking of Goddess worship. I have a growing fascination with Goddess concept and have been more and more attracted to what I call the Divine Feminine.

magic. sounds very appealing. so does wicca *WHAM* there it is. I have a growing attraction to witchery. the practice of casting spells, invoking spirits stronger than myself to help me accomplish tasks in my life and in the lives of others.

there is power in magic, and I'm even becoming less offended by the idea of leaving myself open to the danger or demonic interference in my life, and wondering if 'demons' are truly evil or if they are, as some say, simply manifestations necessary to facillitate the learning of some lesson?

And so I have this conflict within myself. and when i get to the root of it all - there is a need for control - to harness the force of my life and make myself comfortable and safe. Myself and my loved ones.

But, i know myself and I know that I am equating control with power, and i am told that power corrupts, and I also know myself to be foolish and fickle and so I ask myself, 'Do I want myself to be in charge of my actions and consequences of those actions whatever they may be?'

I have to say no. I know myself to be unreliable, foolish, naive, emotional, and ignorant....and so the alternative is to hand that power over to someone else....and without further rambling let me introduce.

My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who has been my God from earliest memory and I believe to be ultimately wise and loving - omniscient, omnipresent, my companion, friend, lover and God. Who has faced down the prince of darkness and has overcome death.

See how his voice whispered to me even as I was typing and has wooed me yet again? Tell me I am mad, I don't care.

Maranatha!

c.anna

distracted and restless

Praying is one of my most cherished rights. I love to go into the presence of God any time any place and for any reason and lay my cares, and requests at the feet of the Lord.

Lately, though, focussing on what I'm saying has been a challenge and I find myself mentally raising my voice to keep my brain aware and praying - its as if a thick fog has surrounded me and I have to shout my thoughts in order to get the words through.

Daydreaming takes over in seconds and I don't even notice I've stopped praying.

I'm glad I noticed this happening - I wonder how long its been going on.

Praying has become an effort of will, and this can only strengthen me. I know that the Lord will not let any test or burden come upon me that I cannot bear.

c.anna