denying the Lord

I really dislike my tendency to downplay my faith and even openly ridicule myself for past radical/fanatical behavior.

I need to stop this because I am giving the impression that I am a non believer and I know that cowardice is at the root of this - I don't want to get into arguments about the authenticity of the Bible and so on. I've had those arguments and they are nothing more than words being thrown back and forth without any meaning whatsoever and i only end up angry.

One may shake their head and wonder just how often do arguments happen, really? you would be amazed - just the mere casual mention of a saying by Jesus and bam! there you have it somebody will always be up and at em asking me to prove that Christ said it, and even to prove that Christ even existed.

I am sick and tired of these petty disputes and so I avoid them as much as possible. In the process though I am denying my faith and I am ashamed of myself for doing this. I need to stop that.

c.anna

Altar?

I've been hearing buzz about home altars and I wonder if this little spot in my home counts as an altar....

I have a table in my living room that I think of as my altar - It's a simple end table with a small ornamental pair of praying hands on it, they are holding a rolled up piece of paper that I wrote out the verse John 3:16 on - its years old and I don't dare take out the little role of paper for fear it will disintegrate from age...i also have a little tray on which I burn incense simply as a symbol of prayer - and I have a small tea light holder and I sometimes have one burning to symbolize the presence of God in my home or to symbolize a special prayer I've said (fire is a symbol of the Holy Spirit) there is an artificial oriental orchid on the table too - a precious gift from a beloved friend many years ago. I have it there because its pretty, no symbolism there that I can think of off the top of my head - and a small touch tone lamp for practical reasons.

that's it - that is my altar.

c.anna

being human

Just because I'm human doesn't mean I have the right to behave like one.

today I made an off colour remark to a gentleman, who gently chided me that he wouldn't expect a good christian girl to talk that way. At once a war broke out within me. I felt insulted that a non christian would comment on my behavior and imply hypocrisy on my part.

I remarked straight from my pride saying that since i pray to the Living God and believe that Christ shed his blood and died and rose again for the redemption of mankind that I am now stripped of all humanity and should conduct myself in a manner that everyone (incl ppl who are not of my faith) would deem to be proper christian behavior?

and on the other hand I had to admit he wasn't wrong in what he said. i was rebuked and rightly so. Jesus was very clear that the world will be watching his followers very carefully. He even went so far as to say that the world will hate us. We are told to avoid all appearance of evil. and that even though we are in the world we must not be of the world. Putting off our old ways and embracing the ways of Christ will make us so different that we'll, well, stick out as misfits.

Friendship with the world is to be an enemy of Christ - so then, to be friends with Christ is to be an enemy of the world. If I am truly following Christ and walking in the way of the Lord, I will stand out as different and may even suffer abuse for it.

In other words - just because I know how to cuss and tell dirty jokes and fornicate and get drunk and carry on - doesn't mean its right for me to do so. I am told to come out of the world regardless of what my pride may suffer as a result.

so. I am admonished and repentant. yesterday I read the book of Galatians (in the new testament of the Bible) and it is a firm rebuke of bad behavior in that church. I think I'll read it again - Ephesians is a good one too.

Thank you Lord.

c.anna