I've been in and out of some real doozies when it comes to romantic interludes. One night stands to long term commited thick or thin love affairs that ended slowly and painfully. Some love affairs have been painful and abusive, and some relatively happy and comfortable.
I would have to say that the longer I'm single, the more I enjoy my own company. I can go to sleep when I'm tired, eat when I'm hungry, hog the bed, Sing out loud, work too much, mutter to myself and pace....all to my hearts content.
I'm free to explore my faith and openly sing and pray without having to prove that I'm not getting sick again, and if I do get sick again, I don't have the pressure of wondering if he'll leave me if I don't get better fast enough.
I notice that the longer I'm single the more of a sense of accomplishment I have - as though I have somethng to prove by it.
There are times where being alone isn't all fun and games and is a source of deep pain and remourse for me. There are times when I really don't feel like thinking of myself and would dearly love to lavish romantic attention on a man.
There are times where I cry deep bone racking sobs wishing I was in a loving and healthy relationship - in those moments I lean on God to save my life.
c.anna
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