sorrowing

Many people who have dealt with serious mental health difficulties, eventually come to a place where they count the things they've missed out on while they were too ill to partake of day to day life.

At the moment I'm sorrowing over the fact that I've never wed, and there seems to be no romance anywhere on the horizon.

I've been struggling a bit with uncomfortable emotions for several months. I tell myself that on the map of my life, I'm passing through a dry and desolate place, and that I need to cross this wilderness in order to learn a divine lesson. What that specific lesson is, only God knows.

I keep on reminding myself that all loneliness, confusion, sadness, and sorrow are nothing for God to turn to joy for those who trust in him and look to him for guidance and comfort.

All things for a reason.

My life is in my maker's hands and I know that eventually I'll see better days. It's probably for the best that I be single while I go through this spiritual growth experience.

Some days, though, I wish so hard that I had a partner to share things with and to take comfort with. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't become sick and then stayed sick for so long.

I try not to dwell on that too much, because when I do I end up having a great big poor me party and the sadness this brings makes it hard for me to function.

So, I'll continue my travels through this place and take comfort in the knowledge that no matter what I may or may not be missing out on, God can compensate for so long as I keep on looking to him.

c.anna